Twiddling My Thumbs On Hold

My first job after college was managing customer service for a balloon delivery company. Novelty messaging services (belly dancers, singing telegrams, etc.) were all the rage, and I oversaw operations in 10 cities.

Business was done with handwritten notes, with multiple customers communicating over desktop telephone consoles. With 20 phone lines and little computerization, we kept waiting customers entertained with a series of audio skits on an endless loop.

Our talent imitated famous voices talking about balloons, their satisfaction with our company, and providing faux testimonials. Employees were tasked with answering each call before the 3-minute loop repeated itself.

I found myself harking back to this yesterday as I sat on hold with Old Republic Home Protection. As one of their policy holders, I submitted a claim for my recently collapsed (and admittedly dangerous) garage door.

Their system (naturally) denied the claim. After arguing by email, I decided a real conversation could be more productive.

So I sat on hold for 45 minutes, listening to the same 8 bars of screechy music play repeatedly.

My eyes glazing, I struggled to be creative as the obnoxious noises reverberated around my office. My choices were simple; wait for relief…or hang up.

I sat, determinedly, until I eventually got a real person to explain why they were rejecting my argument. From there I moved on, even as that on hold “music” continued haunting me.

There are still companies where customer service is given more than lip service, though I’m not persuaded ORHP is one of them. Keeping someone on hold in an obvious bid to ignore their situation is not a good way to retain that customer.

And the issue of giving your clientele what they want aside, it’s important to show people that you respect their commitment to working with you.

The easiest solution is answering phone calls quickly, while a second option is installing an automated call-back system without someone losing their place in the queue.

Third comes commercial-free music to avoid customers hearing your competitor’s message.

Finally, for customers who are stuck on hold for a while, take a lesson from my old boss Ted and put in place some entertaining messages touting your company. It’ll help pass the time while softening the blow of wasting an hour.

With that said, I wish you a week of profitable marketing.

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